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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29365029">The Same Old Mess (With a Twist of Lime This Time)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_wanlorn/pseuds/MegaRoxStudiosPresents'>MegaRoxStudiosPresents (the_wanlorn)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Megamind (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-movie AU, Rating May Change, a twofer deal on the angst and fluff, am i the only person who still calls these Arcadia!AUs?, because your fake boyfriend's parents want to know when you're going to real marry him, fake married, seriously keep an eye on this space, that thing where you panic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:54:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29365029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_wanlorn/pseuds/MegaRoxStudiosPresents</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxanne is so, so tired of being asked when she's going to marry her definitely-not-fake boyfriend, Metro Man. But could she have chosen a worse person to say she was definitely-totally-really already married to?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Megamind/Roxanne Ritchi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>103</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><em>Well</em>. Here is my first foray into Megamind fic. Of course it's a fake!married AU, because that is my jam. Ask me how many I have on the back burner for other fandoms (no, don't). This will be updated as I write and edit chapters, so I can't promise a steady schedule. But hey, it'll get there, right?</p>
<p>
  <s>Unbeta'd as of chapter 1, but definitely open to a good betaing for individual, unposted chapters if anyone's got the time and is interested.</s>
</p>
<p>Thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/headbuttingbears/">@headbuttingbears</a> for their beta of chapter 2 onward!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Turn off the cameras," were the first words out of Roxanne's mouth once she shook off the knockout spray.</p><p>"What?" Megamind stopped in the middle of his—rather impressive, honestly—speech to draw out Metro Man. He had been just about to signal Minion to switch cameras to the one focused on Roxanne and his hand was hovering in the air awkwardly. As soon as he realized that, he brought it down to his side, hoping it looked like that was the motion he had been going for all along.</p><p>"Turn. The cameras. Off," she hissed.</p><p>"Oh ho ho," he said, scrambling to regain his footing. This wasn't how things went! "Don't want the world to see how sca-"</p><p>As he was waggling his fingers in a spooky way, Roxanne snapped, "Time out. Turn them <em>off</em>."</p><p>His heart jumped in his chest as he made a frantic cut motion to Minion. This was <em>very much not how things went</em>. There was something wrong, what was wrong? What did he do? What did he do and how did he fix it because he was sure these kidnappings weren't <em>fun</em> for her, and trying to get her to scream was a unique challenge, sure, but they weren't supposed to be-</p><p>"Are the ropes too tight, Miss Ritchi?" Minion was asking while Megamind was standing there, being useless. "Do you need a glass of water?"</p><p>"I need to talk to Megamind," she said, which jolted him into action.</p><p>"Why, Miss Ritchi," he said, strutting across the floor to stand in front of her with a smirk on his face. "Are you finally willing to accept my offer of being Evil Queen?"</p><p>She sent a withering look his way, which was really uncalled for, before turning back to Minion. "Alone."</p><p>"Ah," Minion said, looking entirely too uncomfortable. "I really don't think-"</p><p>Megamind slashed his hand across his throat hurriedly in a cease and desist gesture while saying, out of the side of this mouth, "Code: it's fine, Minion."</p><p>They both turned away from Roxanne at the same time and shuffled a few feet away, in sync as always, supervillain and henchfish. There was a sense of satisfaction to that, even now, when it felt like his heart was stopped and racing too fast at the same time.</p><p>"Code: I have a bad feeling about this, Sir," Minion muttered. He looked worried, but he always looked worried when something wasn't going to plan.</p><p>"Code: I don't care," Megamind hissed back. And he didn't. If Roxanne wanted to talk to him alone, then Roxanne could talk to him alone. She was tied to a chair, what was the worst that could happen?</p><p>But Minion was giving him a Look, and Megamind knew the thing he was worried about wasn't physical.</p><p>"Code: I can still hear you, you know," Roxanne called and they both whirled back to face her. She looked exasperated, and the strange duality of Megamind's heart dropped back into one unsteady rhythm as it kicked into even higher gear. "I promise to return him to you in the same condition he is now, Minion."</p><p>Minion didn't look convinced, but that was Minion's problem. He left, but not before making a complicated "don't be fooled by anything she says or does" face at Megamind. And he wasn't going to be fooled. Roxanne could use her nosy reporter skills all she wanted; whatever she wanted to say to him without Minion around wasn't going to trick him into revealing his plot this time.</p><p>"Well well well, Miss Ritchi," he said, circling her like a hungry shark. He made sure his cape flared dramatically as he came back around, but she wasn't looking at him and missed it. "I see my-"</p><p>"We need to get married."</p><p>"What." He stumbled to a stop, nearly getting tangled in his cape and falling over. She had craned her head around and definitely saw <em>that</em>. This was why he could never impress her.</p><p>"Get married. We need to."</p><p>His eyes were drawn to where she was biting her bottom lip, teeth pressed deep into the flesh. She was- She was nervous, he realized, but he didn't have time to think about that. He was too busy feeling sick as his heart soared for a moment before crashing back to Earth. This was-</p><p>He had dreamed about this. About impressing her so much she wouldn't look at him like he was a blue freak, about getting to touch her, to hold her, about seeing what she looked like right before bed and when she woke up in the mornings. All the things that marriage could entail. But this- She couldn't be serious.</p><p>"Why?" He could feel himself paling, blood draining from his face, as he realized she must <em>know</em>. She must have found out somehow, and this was some kind of punishment. A joke. A <em>prank</em>.</p><p>"I might've told Lady Scott we already were."</p><p>Definitely a prank. Was she- Did her hulk of a boyfriend know? Of course he must. Of course, this had to be a plan to- to eliminate Megamind entirely. She could hardly have a normal, happy life with her boyfriend if she was constantly being kidnapped by an evil genius. And Wayne, he had never shared his toys well, had he?</p><p>"Why would you do <em>that</em>?" he snarled, stepping forward, more into her space, the betrayal—no, not betrayal, there was nothing between them to betray—coursing through his veins almost enough to make him shake and oh, he was so, so angry.</p><p>Roxanne drew back a little in fear and he took a step away from her. She had never seen him angry before, it made sense that she would be afraid of him when he was. It made sense she would be trying to get away from the scary alien.</p><p>But then she leaned forward and dropped her head for a moment. She took a deep breath as she raised it and looked him in the eye. "Well. It happened like this."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Roxanne, dear, you've been seeing my son for quite a while, haven't you?"</p>
<p>Roxanne froze in the middle of pouring herself another cup of tea, liquid almost spilling over the sides of the cup before she moved again to carefully set the teapot down on its trivet. The tearoom they were having lunch in was quiet, only one set of diners besides them seated at a table on the far side of the room. The clink of the teapot being set down sounded loud to her, but the couple didn't look up. This felt like a trap.</p>
<p>Lunch with Lady Scott was always a minefield. Sometimes, they were perfectly pleasant meetings where she dropped little tidbits of information for Roxanne, things that could guide her reporting. The tidbits were, of course, things that would help further the Scott family's interests, but Roxanne appreciated them nonetheless.</p>
<p>Then, there were the other times.</p>
<p>"Ah, yeah, yes," Roxanne said when it became clear Lady Scott was waiting for some kind of response beyond staring. "It has been a few years. Of dating."</p>
<p>Their "relationship" had been going on since Lady Scott invited her to take tea with her shortly after it became clear to everyone that Megamind wasn't going to stop kidnapping her any time soon. Lady Scott had suggested then it would be "advantageous" for Roxanne to be seen as dating the hero.</p>
<p>That was how she had put it. The hero. Like he wasn't also her son. Like that was all he was.</p>
<p>Roxanne had been doubtful at first, wanting to know how it would be useful to Wayne, if it was all just a way to get in her pants. She'd rebuffed him once, early on, and when he hadn't asked again they'd fallen into something like a friendship. But she wouldn't be surprised at all if it turned out he'd been languishing in the friend zone, biding his time. Villains had henchmen; maybe heroes had overbearing mothers?</p>
<p>Lady Scott had watched her for a long moment, the way someone studies a bug under a magnifying glass right before changing the angle to focus the power of the sun on it. Then she'd said, simply, "Wayne isn't like other boys. You don't need to worry about that."</p>
<p>Roxanne had taken her meaning well enough, and the next time she'd met with Wayne, they'd discussed it. And Lady Scott had been right—if it looked like she was dating Wayne, she would be invited to all kinds of functions, be able to talk to all kinds of people, that she would never have access to otherwise.</p>
<p>She hadn't thought too hard about the downsides at the time, not when she was so focused on her career and making it as an investigative reporter. Megamind had thrown a bit of a wrench into that, sure, with how she was mostly assigned to the superhero beat now, but she just needed a break. Something that would show people she was a serious reporter, not just another professionally distressed damsel.</p>
<p>But they'd been dating long enough, at this point, that Roxanne couldn't remember the last time she'd gone out with friends only to end up home, alone, at the end of the night. Wayne never complained, but she wondered if it was chafing him, too, or if he was just relieved.</p>
<p>When she tuned back into what Lady Scott was saying, it was only to catch the very end of a sentence.</p>
<p>"-getting married."</p>
<p>"What?" Roxanne asked, blinking. Who was getting married? Was she getting an invitation to a wedding, and was it purely a social thing or was it work?</p>
<p>"We both know, that Wayne can be a little… obtuse, sometimes. People <em>are</em> starting to wonder, dear."</p>
<p>"Wonder about…" Roxanne said with a sinking feeling in her stomach.</p>
<p>Oh no. She thought she'd headed this off the last two times Lady Scott had started hinting around the subject of marriage and how <em>beneficial</em> it would be for both their images. If she was approaching it head on this time, that didn't spell anything good for anyone else in the way of what she wanted.</p>
<p>"When you and Wayne are going to get married," she said patiently, but there was a hard glint in her eyes that said she knew Roxanne had been woolgathering and didn't appreciate it. "I'm sure you've seen the article in the <em>Times</em>."</p>
<p>Roxanne had. She hadn't recognized the byline, but the <em>Metro City Times</em> had printed an opinion piece that wondered when Metro Man was going to put a ring on it, and questioning if the relationship was a fake. It had been unfortunately well-researched. She shouldn't have been surprised that trouble came of it from this direction. It had been enough to sow seeds of doubt; now Lady Scott was going to try to regain control of the situation, and she could be obsessively persistent when she needed to be.</p>
<p>"Dear," she said, "you know Wayne's been looking a little peaked lately."</p>
<p>Roxanne did. He had looked pale and tired the last few times they'd met up for dinner. She'd tried questioning him about it, but hadn't pressed when he changed the subject with an, "It's nothing, Roxie, let it go."</p>
<p>"A wedding would be a nice-"</p>
<p>"I can't," Roxanne interrupted. She scrambled to come up with a reason that Lady Scott wouldn't be able to find a way around. "I'm, uh, already married."</p>
<p>There was silence at the table. The couple at the far wall were also silent, but when Roxanne glanced over to check them, one was drinking his tea and the other was chewing on one of the finger sandwiches. Not eavesdropping, just enjoying the day.</p>
<p>"You're already married," Lady Scott said, her face still reflecting a pleasant smile, like this was just an ordinary conversation and not a huge wrench being thrown in Roxanne's day. In her <em>life</em>. It wasn't even Megamind heaving said wrench into the works for once. "To whom, if I may ask? He must be an extraordinary man to be willing to fly so far under the radar."</p>
<p>Oh shit oh shit. Roxanne blurted out the first name that came into her head when she thought of irritation and societal constructs and- and- <em>being foiled</em>: "Megamind. I? Am married. To Megamind."</p>
<p>"Ah."</p>
<p>There was another moment of silence, that pleasant smile still on Lady Scott's face even though this had to be throwing her. There was no way she was reacting to this news with as much calm on the inside as she was showing on the outside. <em>Roxanne</em> wasn't reacting to this news with as much calm on the inside as she was showing on the outside.</p>
<p>Her stomach was in turmoil as she tried to come up with something—anything—that would change the subject and make Lady Scott forget any of this had been discussed. Something that would make Lady Scott let this go for a third time, and not look too closely into whether they were really married. Or, god forbid, say anything to anyone about it.</p>
<p>It being her status as <em>Mrs. Megamind</em>.</p>
<p>"The mayor's annual holiday party is coming up," Lady Scott said, blithely moving onto the next item on her agenda. "Will we be seeing you and Wayne there?"</p>
<p>Roxanne could have cried with relief. She latched onto the topic change with both hands, not caring if she or Wayne already had plans for that night. They could be rescheduled. This conversation could not.</p>
<p>"Of course," she said, picking up a tiny cucumber sandwich and taking an even tinier bite of it. Maybe the awful taste would calm her nerves. "I'll make sure he's on time."</p>
<p>"Mm," Lady Scott murmured as she eyed Roxanne.</p>
<p>There was a calculating look on her face that Roxanne didn't like. She was starting to sweat, just like the bug under a magnifying glass, the sun focused to a pinpoint on their body. Megamind had never succeeded in making her feel half so nervous. What was she going to do if Lady Scott looked into this? How was she going to recover from this lie? And why on earth had she decided <em>Megamind</em> was the name to choose? She should have given a fake one, or named a friend—a fake friend, seeing as how she was too busy for real ones—or...</p>
<p>Or… Megamind certainly wasn't unattractive, if you went for the unconventional type, and he was fun to be around when he wasn't threatening her with ridiculous death traps, and-</p>
<p>A plan began to form in her mind as she smiled politely and took a sip of tea.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"You're not dating Metro Man?"</p>
<p>Those were the first words out of Megamind's mouth. That was what he chose to focus on. Not that she was actually single. Not that she'd declared them <em>married</em>.</p>
<p>"Not the point!" she snapped. She pulled against the bindings a little. He must have noticed; he circled around behind the chair again and she could feel him untying her.</p>
<p>"No, I suppose not," he murmured. Then, louder, with a distinctly evil tinge to his voice, "The point is that you are at my mercy."</p>
<p>"Oh please," she said, bringing her arms around to massage her wrists. The ropes were soft, but they were still ropes and they still left red marks on her skin. When he was back in front of her, he stared at them like he'd never seen such a thing before. "I'll just tell Lady Scott it was a lie and marry W- Metro Man."</p>
<p>"What?" Megamind said, his face falling for a moment, before his brow crinkled and- He looked <em>worried</em>. "Wayne would be a terrible husband. You can't marry him. To begin with, his work/life balance is appalling. Always rushing off right when things are getting-"</p>
<p>"There are worse things," she interrupted. "Besides, if something comes up, we can always stage an amicable divorce. It'll be fine."</p>
<p>She wasn't sure who she was reassuring, herself or him.</p>
<p>"Like being married to me?" he asked, enough bitterness in his voice that she blinked in surprised. He must have taken that to be confusion instead because he added, "The worse things."</p>
<p>"No," she said, and was surprised by how much of the truth that was. "No, being married to Wayne is definitely worse than that. Like you said, he's always-" she rolled her wrist in a vague gesture, partly to get her circulation going again. "At least when <em>you</em> start something you finish it. Or try to, anyway."</p>
<p>He blinked at her and she realized his cheeks were tinged with a pinkish violet. She didn't know what to do with that.</p>
<p>"I'll do it," he said suddenly, decisively. "And you'll owe me one."</p>
<p>It was probably a bad idea to agree. Owing a supervillain anything seemed like a terrible plan. But… did she have much of a choice?</p>
<p>"Nothing illegal," she said firmly.</p>
<p>"I'm a supervillain," he replied with a raised eyebrow. "What kind of favor could I possibly want from you that isn't illegal?"</p>
<p>"Well I guess you'll have to come up with something, won't you?" she said, arching an eyebrow back.</p>
<p>He stared at her for a moment, and then something that was almost a smile crossed his face. He was left with one corner of his mouth quirked up, something about it making his face look gentler. She realized, with a start, that she wouldn't mind kissing him and tasting that half smile.</p>
<p>She almost missed it when he said, "Deal."</p>
<p>"Deal?" she asked, blinking a little at him.</p>
<p>"Deal, Miss Ritchi," he said with a sharp nod. "We should discuss terms."</p>
<p>He hesitantly held out a hand to help her out of the chair. She took it, just as hesitantly, and stood. This was such a bad idea.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Through a series of "turn here"s and "that door"s, Megamind directed her to-</p>
<p>"You have a kitchen?" Roxanne asked, somehow surprised that there would be something so- so mundane as a kitchen in a supervillain's lair.</p>
<p>There were no windows set in the dark walls, but the cathedral ceiling's skylight created the impression of airy brightness. There was plenty of room for a fish in a mechanized gorilla suit to get around, much more room than Megamind would need. Minion was currently standing at the stove, humming to himself as he stirred something in a pot. Based on the smell, it was some kind of chicken soup, and it smelled <em>amazing</em>.</p>
<p>"Sir does have to eat sometimes," Minion said, not turning around. "He can't just run on coffee and-"</p>
<p>"Minion!" Megamind hissed, jumping between the two of them so his side was to Roxanne, arms spread like he was stopping a schoolyard fight instead of a conversation. "No secrets!"</p>
<p>"I hardly think your addiction to coffee and-"</p>
<p>"No!" Megamind waved his arms before he turned fully to Roxanne, and said, almost desperately, "Terms?"</p>
<p>"This isn't at all what I expected," Roxanne mused, ignoring him to walk around the edge of the room, taking in the state of the appliances—all of them looking well-used but well-cared for—and letting her eyes be drawn up to the skylight. It was midday outside; she hadn't lost much time to the knockout spray. "You have a skylight," she said to Minion.</p>
<p>Megamind must have caught the slight question in her voice, because he asked, sounding vaguely offended, "Why wouldn't there be a skylight?"</p>
<p>"You live in a warehouse," she said, feeling like the "why" was self-evident in that.</p>
<p>"So?"</p>
<p>"So it's a <em>warehouse</em>," she said flatly as she moved around the table to take a seat.</p>
<p>There were only two chairs, and one looked specially reinforced—that had to be Minion's—so she took the one that she assumed was Megamind's. Was it a bit of a power play? Sure, but she figured she was allowed. She knew she'd need whatever advantage she could get in the coming conversation. She wasn't sure what Megamind would want, but she <em>was</em> sure she'd have to shoot down half of it.</p>
<p>"And who's going to tell me I can't knock out a few walls and add a skylight?" he asked, not looking thrown by where she was sitting. He stalked to the other seat, talking all the while. "The planning commission? I'm a supervillain, in case you've forgotten, Miss Ritchi!"</p>
<p>She hadn't forgotten, no. It was hard to do with him still wearing his mantle of spikes and swishy cape. He sat smoothly, the cape flaring around him slightly as he did. It was unfairly attractive for a move he'd probably rehearsed.</p>
<p>"I'm just saying," she said with a hint of a smile, "that clean skylights like that sure must be a rarity in the warehouse district. It would be a shame if someone managed to track down your hideout."</p>
<p>He sputtered for a moment before shaking his finger at her warningly. "That's my first term. No using your nosy reporter skills to- to find things out!"</p>
<p>"I can hardly turn my brain off," she said, amusement coloring her voice. He just scowled at her and crossed his arms over his chest, so she added, "Alright. I won't report on anything I discover outside of kidnappings. Anything then is still fair game."</p>
<p>"I-" He blinked at her, arms falling to his sides. "I can keep kidnapping you?" he asked in a voice that was small enough that something twisted uncomfortably in her stomach. "I would have thought-"</p>
<p>"Would you stop even if I asked?" She forced a laugh at the end and couldn't help but lean forward a little as she waited on his answer.</p>
<p>Had she ever told him directly to knock it off? She didn't think so; what would be the point? He was a supervillain. He wasn't going to listen to the damsel in distress if she politely requested he cease and desist using her as such. If that was all it would've taken…</p>
<p>If that were all it would've taken, she certainly would have done it years ago when he first started kidnapping her, but now? Now she wasn't so sure she would take the option if presented to her. She was suddenly uncomfortably aware of how much she <em>enjoyed</em> the banter and getting to see the action up close and just-</p>
<p>Megamind didn't seem to notice how strained the laugh was or how intent she was on his answer. His eyes were so wide with something like shock she almost felt bad for asking. "I-"</p>
<p>"Soup!" Minion announced cheerfully, putting a trivet down with a flourish and placing a tureen on top of it. "I wasn't sure what you like, Miss Ritchi, so it's only chicken noodle I'm afraid. If you'd like, I could whip up a salad or-"</p>
<p>"This is fine, Minion. I'm sure it's delicious," she said as he put down bowls and spoons, one set for her and one for Megamind. "Are you going to…" she started with a vague gesture toward the end of the table, drifting off when she realized she hadn't ever seen Minion eat.</p>
<p>She'd never seen Megamind eat, either, but he was at least humanoid and not swimming in water that would probably make eating soup a very messy, if not impossible, situation. Swimming in your food sounded awful to her. Luckily, Minion was, as always, gracious about any missteps she made.</p>
<p>"No," he said, stepping away. "I ate while you and Sir were talking secrets in the staging area."</p>
<p>She mouthed the words "staging area" to herself, turning to Megamind with a smirk. He had already ladled out a bowl of soup for himself that had a significant lack of vegetables and was scowling down at the bowl.</p>
<p>"Hey," she said. Her fingers itched to reach across to him, to touch his hand or rest on his wrist, and she had to clench her hand into a fist under the table to stop herself. He looked so- so <em>unhappy</em>. "We don't have to-"</p>
<p>He cut her off with a dismissive wave of his hand and, when he looked up and met her gaze, all unpleasantness was gone from his face like it had never been there in the first place. "And lose the opportunity to rub this in Metro Man's face? I think not!"</p>
<p>"You know Metro Man is going to know this isn't real, right?" she asked before taking a sip of soup. "Minion, this is amazing!"</p>
<p>Minion, who had removed himself back to the sink and was quietly washing dishes, turned around in the globe of his suit to give her a smile and say, "Thank you, Miss Ritchi," at the same time Megamind was saying, "Fake marriage is a step up from fake dating."</p>
<p>"Of course you've turned this into some kind of competition," she said, turning back to Megamind. "I suppose this is the only way you could win anything against him."</p>
<p>His broad, slightly manic smile went brittle at that before fading into something much more serious. "Terms, Miss Ritchi. You've heard the first of mine. What are yours?"</p>
<p>She took her time chewing the piece of chicken in the next spoonful of soup before answering.</p>
<p>"This stays as private as possible. If this gets out to the general public, people will assume my objectivity is shot-"</p>
<p>"Oh, but dating the hero doesn't make that true of course," he muttered, which she ignored.</p>
<p>"I'm sure Lady Scott is going to extend invitations to you now, so you'll need to come to, let's say, three of those spread out over the next couple months?"</p>
<p>"Events that the goody two shoes will be at too?" he asked, looking ready to protest her completely reasonable request.</p>
<p>"You and Wayne can work out a truce of some sort," she said. She was pretty sure she could bully Wayne into agreeing to have a civil dinner or two with his mother, her, and Megamind. Nothing to worry about. Piece of cake.</p>
<p>This whole thing was a terrible idea.</p>
<p>The sound of pipes gurgling as the water in the sink turned off had Roxanne glancing back at Minion. He was leaning against the counter, staring off into the distance with an unhappy expression on his face. She wasn't sure what that was about and didn't want him to catch her staring, so she turned back to Megamind.</p>
<p>"PDA," she said when Megamind didn't seem to be going to bring up another point on his side. He choked on his soup, making her lips quirk in a smile she didn't quite feel. It couldn't be <em>that</em> surprising that PDA was something they'd have to think about.</p>
<p>"Uh," he said, a wide-eyed, almost panicked look on his face.</p>
<p>"Hand-holding?" she suggested when he didn't continue. "Kissing? None of the above? What are you usually like with people you're dating?"</p>
<p>"Uh," he squeaked, the tips of his ears and his cheeks going violet.</p>
<p>He was really quite attractive when he was blushing, and she wondered how far down the blush would go if they were- Nope, not thinking about that because that was definitely not on the table.</p>
<p>"Hand-holding is okay. And k- kissing is. Fine. I- Whatever you think is-"</p>
<p>"Terrible idea," she heard Minion mutter behind her, barely loud enough for her ears to pick up.</p>
<p>She wanted to turn and glare at him, but she was too captivated by the flush traveling down the strip of Megamind's neck that she could see to look away. She knew this was a terrible idea; she didn't need Minion pointing that out for her. But, well, it was too late now to back out.</p>
<p>Besides, Megamind was glaring at him enough for both of them.</p>
<p>"Okay," she said, licking her lips and briefly wondering what Megamind's skin would taste like. Before she could go down that road—before she could reach the disappointing conclusion—she said, "And I won't be helping you with any-" she motioned in the direction she thought the staging area might have been "-evil."</p>
<p>Megamind's smile was more of a grimace as he said, "Yes, of course. And..." He stopped for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing in a quieter voice, "And please be- be kind, if you can, when you tell people why we get divorced. After."</p>
<p>She blinked. He sounded so- How was that even a request that needed to be made? "Of course."</p>
<p>She hadn't really thought about how long this would go on, or how they would end it, but of course she wasn't going to- to say anything <em>bad</em> about him to other people. Who would she tell, anyway? Go to Lady Scott and tell her that, yeah, they got a divorce because he refused to put the toilet seat down? No, she'd just say they'd grown apart. She'd never-</p>
<p>"Thank you," he said quietly. "I- Thank you. Is there anything else you'd-"</p>
<p>"Uh," she said. She was, somehow, completely thrown by his quiet thanks and what looked like genuine relief on his face. "I- No. That's- You?"</p>
<p>He shook his head silently, focusing on his soup.</p>
<p>"Really?" She couldn't help but press. "That's it? 'Don't leak secrets' and 'be kind?'"</p>
<p>"In the story you tell," he said, nodding. "I-"</p>
<p>"Megamind," she said, waiting for him to look at her before she continued. "This isn't some big revenge plot." He looked slightly guilty when she said that, so she must have guessed right. "You're doing me a favor. I'm not going to- Just, you're doing me a favor."</p>
<p>He nodded once, sharply. "Don't forget that favor you'll owe me."</p>
<p>Right, the favor. This conversation hadn't turned out like she expected; there were far fewer terms and the ones he had laid out were… Well. "Don't forget it can't be for anything illegal."</p>
<p>He waved away her restriction. "I won't- I don't need more from you. Just those three things are more than enough."</p>
<p>Something about the way he said that caught in her throat, in her chest. He didn't sound like the word he was thinking was "need". She had the sudden, heart-stopping realization that maybe Minion was right. Maybe this was a terrible idea for both of them, not just her.</p>
<p>"Alright," she said as she finished her soup and set the spoon down in the bowl with a clatter. "We'll need to get to know each other, come up with a story, things like that."</p>
<p>He looked at her strangely, but she wasn't sure which of those requests was unreasonable or confusing to him. She supposed the "how did you meet" question was taken care of, since their first meeting was very public, but they'd need to have answers for other relationship milestones, and know little things about each other.</p>
<p>She could describe the shape of Megamind's smile when he had a good idea in the middle of a kidnapping, but she couldn't say anything about his school days. Or what his favorite color was. Or even what kind of coffee he liked.</p>
<p>"What-" he cleared his throat. "What would we need to know?"</p>
<p>"Just, little things," she said. "How you take your coffee, food allergies, your favorite place to get takeout, that sort of thing."</p>
<p>"With two sugars, almonds, and the chinese place on the corner by your apartment," he murmured and winced when he looked up and accidentally caught her eye.</p>
<p>Roxanne stared at him for a moment. He- "What?"</p>
<p>"You have a brother and a sister, your father died of cancer three years ago," he continued, sounding miserable, while all she could do was stare at him. "You don't like olives in your salad and-"</p>
<p>She waited for the uncomfortable feeling of being spied on to fall over her, but it didn't. She just felt... bad. She felt bad that she didn't know any of that about him, which was ridiculous. There were <em>so many</em> things she didn't know about him because it wasn't like they were even <em>friends</em>, but he'd- He must have been spying on her somehow to know-</p>
<p>"I wasn't spying on you," he said suddenly, in a rush. "You just- Whenever there's a takeout bag from the deli on your counter there are olives on top in your trash can but usually it's a bag from Lucky Dragon and-"</p>
<p>"It's alright," she said as his voice went higher and faster. "You're a supervillain. Of course you've done your research and you notice things. It's fine. You're right on all counts."</p>
<p>Silence fell, with him looking relieved and her brow crinkled in thought. He wouldn't have trouble pretending to be married to her, it seemed, but she was going to need to learn a lot about him in a short period of time.</p>
<p>"What about you?" she asked finally. "Coffee? Allergies? I don't know, favorite subject in school?"</p>
<p>It was like a switch had been flipped, the way his face immediately closed off and he sat back, pushing his half-full bowl of soup away from him. "It doesn't matter. Nobody knows much about me anyway. Just make up whatever you want. Minion?"</p>
<p>She wanted to tell him that it did matter to her, that it mattered quite a bit actually, and she was just as surprised by that as he probably was. But Minion was too fast with the knockout spray and consciousness faded before she could get the words out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Uhhhhhhh so this has grown a plot, so updates will definitely be more like this often instead of the quick posting of the last two. Whoops. Deffo subscribe if you want to keep reading because I can't promise any sort of posting schedule.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I almost forgot! Come chill with me on tumblr: <a href="https://megaroxstudiospresents.tumblr.com/">@megaroxstudiospresents</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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